Embrace this moment, remember: we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion...

THUD!!!

That is the sound of me dropping all expectations of anything good happening to me...

I've had enough of being the person people expect me to be - i'm a 35 year old alcoholic with no prospects and a barely seeable future... AND I AM HAPPY WITH THAT!!!!!!

Spent half of last night being excluded by two people who call themselves my best mates - FUCK THEM!

sent two messages to one of my 'best mates' asking for some blank dvd's and some inks cos I needed them desperately. No reply until his girlfriend spoke to me tonight and said he was working and didn't have his phone - load of bollocks - FUCK THEM!

Spent 30 minutes talking to my ex, Stacie (the one who is pregnant with somebody elses kid) who wondered why I was being funny with her - FUCK HER!

Spent an hour talking to one of my 'best mates' girlfriends tonight - she walked past me last night and made no attempt to talk to me - she reckons I 'deserve someone really special' - she's the same as the rest - FUCK HER!

Having a bad day...