And you smile while your twisting the knife in my stomach

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother... why do I even try to be nice to people when I never see any kindness in return? Why do I make a point of standing up for 'friends' when I know that when the shit hits the fan, I will have no one by my side... especially those 'friends' I previously stood up for!

Why do I keep a blog when I don't know if anyone reads it? I origionally started this as a method of getting the anger out... and I do occasionally read over my previous entries to see changes I have made... or, as is now the case, relapses I have made!

I no longer care, it is apparently a standard agreement that me and 'life' have that each close friend I make, fucks me over - I could overanalyse this and assume _I_ was to blame - except that I know that isn't the truth. Sometimes I can be blatantly, nay, brutally honest when it comes to peoples faults and flaws - it's down to the way I have been treat by, not friends but acquantences over the years, and it is the way I will always be. Ball's to 'em I say, I just think they are jealous of the fact that I can be so open and honest about what I think... fuck 'em all!