... but it's better if you do

Well, yesterday I took an online 'drinking test' and according to that, I have a drink problem. Bob reckons I have a problem, Our Ally reckon's I have a problem...

I've been drinking soooooooooo long now (11 months 7 days) and I know it's such a shitty way of dealing with things but... hey, thats what a dependency is, yes?

Spent the night (a Saturday no less, the one time of the week that used to be _my_ night) watching bad TV with a cheap bottle of vodka... and actually enjoyed myself. Filled the major holes in my sitting room in preparation for painting them. As much as Christmas is gonna suck major cock, I want at least one room in my flat to look ok.

First Christmas _truly_ alone, yep, it's gonna be real fun waking up here on Christmas morning :-/

Sent a letter to the Currels detailing the last of my posessions and telling them to take their pick 'cos I am not able to pay them cash... fucking vultures is all they are, she's an evil cunt and he a clueless piece of shit... best friends are friends forever.... my arse!

'she isnt someone to get over. she's someone you come to terms with, the way you have to come to terms with your parents, your siblings. you can't deny they ever happened. you can't deny you ever loved them, still love them, even if loving them causes you pain.'

^^ don't know where this came from... but it's apt...

' Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sweeps you away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Oh, but I'm afraid that I
Well, I may of faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well I'm afraid that I
Well that's right
That I may have faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Well I'm afraid that I
Well, I may of faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well I'm afraid that I
Well that's right
That I may have faked it and
I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh and isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Praying for love and paying in naivety
Praying for love and paying in naivety'