Passive

Tuesday gone, the barmaid who I have had a major thing for, was in my local... and she sent me a drink down... and she came and talked to me for about 45 minutes... but at the end of it, she was asking about James... as usual, she was using me to try and get with a friend of mine. Me, Sam (the barmaid) and Stee went down to the town. In the taxi, Sam's hand was all over my legs, and she grabbed my hand at a couple of points, when we got to the town, she was flirting with other blokes, but she kept coming back to where we were, mainly when she wanted a drink because I was stupid enough to keep buying her them, then she disapeared with some dude (and she is supposed to be seeing someone???).

On Thursday, Stee, a good friend of mine (we've had the odd problem, but I consider him one of my best mates at the moment!), made me face my major problem and go into where Stacey works... And I looked at her and felt nothing, she looked nothing like I remembered, and I didn't even find her attractive! Doesn't stop the fact that my life is fucked up and I can never trust anybody again due to the lying, manipulative bitch!

Stacie, the 19 year old was out on Friday, same old shit, feeling sorry for herself and coming up to me all the time. She's a nice looking lass, just off her fucking head and the last thing I need at the minute is a female version of me! Vicky was in the Lighthouse, with some dude who I am sure was not her boyfriend... she made no move to talk to me, or even aknowledge me, and I know she knew I was in there, because her sister, Leanne saw me... oooh, look, another woman who is full of fucking shit :-/

Tonight I realised (again) about a 'so called' friend of mine, Mick... truth be known, he is no friend. I've had enough of playing 'nicely nicely' with people who aren't worth the fucking effort... I've always been the person who wanted to stay in 'sweet' with everyone. FUCK THAT!

I'm not even gonna make an effort to go out anymore, there is no point. From now on, it's gonna be me and a bottle of vodka, in my cold, dead, empty flat... it's where I belong, it's where I feel most at home...

In serious financial trouble, can't afford the bankruptcy fee, every aspect of my life is spiralling down...

This time last year, I was in the mental care unit, the way things are going, I may end up in a worse place....

' Dead as dead can be
The doctor tells me
But I just can't believe him
Ever the optimistic one
I'm sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy

Wake up, and face me
Don't play dead, cause maybe
Someday I'll walk away and say
You dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Leaning over you here
Cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
Of what you could and might have been
It's your right and your ability
To become my perfect enemy

Wake up(why can't you)
And face me (come on now)
Don't play dead(don't play dead)
Cause maybe(cause maybe)
Someday(someday)
I'll walk away and say
You dissapoint me

Maybe you're better off this way
You're better off this
Maybe you're better off

Wake up(why can't you)
And face me (come on now)
Don't play dead(don't play dead)
Cause maybe(cause maybe)
Someday(someday)
I'll walk away and say
You fucking dissapoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Go ahead and play dead(GO!)
I know that you can hear this(GO!)
Go ahead and play dead(GO!)
Why can't you turn and face me(GO!)
You fucking dissapoint me!

Passive agressive bullshit'