Life on Standby

"I don't think people are meant to be by themselves, that's why, if you actually find someone you care about... it's important to let go of the little things - even if you can't let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone... no matter how many people are around you"

Saturday, September 03, 2005

I won't make you

She wasn't out last night, still heard nothing.

I'm lonely

Les is out tonight, thats something I suppose..

'I'm under attack again my dear, I'm in the way
Got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say
And still if I yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?
I'd fly you a flag, I'd bury this pen into my veins

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you

The telephone number I got for you says nobody's home
The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone
And you had an apology in your mailbox since last July
It's funny when you find the words to say, you find no reply

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you
I won't make you

Scream my name just one more time

But I won't make you
I won't make you

And it's been hours now
To be here like this
And just to lay you down
And just to taste your lips
And just to keep me up
God I'm tired of sleeping
And just to lay inside you
And just to know this feeling

I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won't make you (feel inside)
I won't make you (hit the lights)

Scream my name just one more time

But I won't make you
I won't make you'

Friday, September 02, 2005

Bulimic

Still not heard from her, have no idea if she is out tonight. I feel like I am wasting my time...

Stee was out last night.

Lucy who hangs about with Adam is fine, Adam is going in the Navy on Sunday...

Bring on the hooch, I am bored...

'from the way that you acted
to the way that i felt it
it wasn't worth my time

and now it's sad
cause all i missed
wasn't that good to begin with
now i've started you begging and saying things you don't mean
it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
and i'm about to see all of them

goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..

you call my name when i wake up
to see things go your way
i'm coughing up my time
each drag's a drop of blood, a grain
a minute of my life
it's all i've got just to stay down
then why the fuck am i still down?
i'm hoarding all that's mine
each time i just let one slip by
i've wasted what is mine

goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..

my time.. my time..
my time.. my time..

i'm about to see a million things i thought i'd never see before
and i'm about to do all of the things i dreamed of
and i don't even miss you at all

i'm about to see a million things i thought i'd never see before
and i'm about to do all of the things i dreamed of
and i don't even miss you at all

goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..
you're taking up my time
goodbye to you, goodbye to you..'

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The last song

Not heard from Stacie, she left her phone on the taxi the other night... but she took my home number... I'm sick of spending all this time thinking about her when I have no idea how she feels....

Thought she might have been round tonight, wrong again...

Nobody out tomorrow...

All my 'friends' seem to be drifting off...

life just sucks

'This may be the last thing that i write for long
can you hear me smiling when i sing this song
...for you
...and only you

As i leave will you be someone to say goodbye
as i leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
a foot is out the door and you cant stop me now

you wanted the best, it wasnt me
will you give it back
well i'll take a lead
when theres no more room to make it grow

see you again
pretend that your naive
is this what you want
is this what you need
how do you end up lettin me know

as i go
remember all the simple things
you've known
my mind is just still clutchin
i still hope
that you will miss me when i am gone
this is the last song

your heart start breakin as the year is gone
the dreams beginning and the time rolls on
seems so surreal
now i sing it

somehow i knew that it would be this way
somehow i knew that it would slowly fade
and now i am gone
destroyed and so mad now (?)

you wanted the best, it wasnt me
will you give it back
well i'll take a lead
when theres no more room to make it grow

see you again
pretend that your naive
is this what you want
is this what you need
how do you end up lettin me know

as i go
remember all the simple things
you've known
my mind is just still clutchin
i still hope
that you will miss me when i am gone
this is the last song

will you leave me now
you'll find the way somehow
you wanted to
i wanted to

as i go
remember all the simple things
you've known
my mind is just still clutchin
i still hope
that you will miss me when i am gone
this is the last song '

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Straightjacket Feeling

Can't stop thinking about Stacie, she's funny, beautiful and she seems to like me for some reason. I could easily fall for her... and I think I am. Since I have met her I hardly think of 'whatsername', and that is a blessing...

'Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And your the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you'

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Just want you to know

Stacie spent the night again last night, I really like her. She apologised for Saturday and said that she was only being like that cos I wouldn't talk to her. A couple of times last night she seemed like she wanted me to say that I love her, she kept trying... I do like her, and can easily see myself falling for her... :-/

Stee hasn't been texting or coming round or answering his phone - looks like he uses mates like he uses women... fuck him.

'Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know'

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Noise and kisses

I feel like I should be grieving our Lindsay more, but I can't and I don't know why!

I want to phone Stacie, but why give her the satisfaction.

I'm a wreck so I'm just gonna get wasted...

'look in my eyes, i'm jaded now, whatever that means
by sharing these things, i rip my heart out
it's worth my time, whatever that means.

hard to see up, my neck feels stiff
until i wake up, the orange i choked
back to my neck
it's worth my time, whatever that means.

share with me cause i need it right now
let me see your insides
write me off, cause i'd rather starve now
if you won't open up

give it to me, give me all, whatever you want
it's never been me to want this much
from you i can see

share with me cause i need it right now
let me see your insides
write me off, cause i'd rather starve now
if you won't open up
you won't open up

it tears me up.. it tears me up.

look in my eyes, i'm jaded now, whatever that means
but show me these things, i rip my heart out
it's worth my time, whatever that means.

share with me cause i need it right now
let me see your insides
write me off, cause i'd rather starve now
if you won't open up
you won't open up

share with me (yeah it tears me up)
cause i need it right now
let me see your insides (tears me up)
write me off, (and it tears me up) cause i'd rather starve now
if you won't open up
you won't open up'

Great romances of the 20th century

My niece was found dead today, she was 25 year old and a heroin addict... I don't know any of the details yet.

Stacie is definately gone. Last night she was kissing some lad in the lighthouse. Her friend Hailey said that Stacie really likes me... she's got a strange way of showing it. She phoned me saying that she really needed to talk to me, unlucky babes... have a nice life

Need a random tonight.

'** intro monolog **
a beautiful girl can make you dizzy
like you've been drinking jack and coke all morning
she can make you feel high

full of the single greatest commodity known to man --
promise.
promise of a better day.
promise of a greater hope.
promise of a new tomorrow.

this particular aura...
can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl.
in her smile
in her soul
the way she makes every rotten little thing about life
seem like it's gonna to be okay.
** **

September never stays this cold
where I come from, and you know
I’m not one (I'm not one) for complainin' (for complainin'),
But I love the way you roll
excuses off the tip of your tongue
as I'd slowly (slowly, quietly, slowly) fall apart (fall apart)

(it's fallin' apart, it's fallin' apart, it's fallin' apart)

I said, "this won’t mean a thing come tomorrow",
and that’s exactly how I’ll make it seem
'Cause I'm still not sleeping,
thinking I’ve crawled home from worse than this

So please, please (please)
I’m runnin' out of sympathy (I'm runnin' out of sympathy!)
and I never said I’d take this
I never said I'd take this lying down

She says
"come on, come on, let’s just get this over with”
She says
"come on, come on, let’s just get this over with”
(I never said I’d take this lying down, well I've crawled home from worse than this, worse than this)
She says
"come on, come on, let’s just get this over with”
She says
"come on, come on..."

You always come close but this never comes easy,
I still know everything
You always come close but you never come easy,
I still know everything
This always come close but you never come easy,
I still know everything
Always come so close...
I still know everything, I still know everything, I still know...

You always come close but this never comes easy
You always come close but you never come easy
You always come in... you come in close

I never said I'd take this lying down
I never said I'd take this lying down,
but I've crawled home from worse than this

If it's not keepin' you up nights
then what’s the point,
then what’s the point,
then what’s the point,
then what’s the point?

I'm in your room,
is this turning you on,
am I turning you on?

I'm in your room,
are you turned on?

I'm on the corner of your bed,
I'm thinkin' maybe,
are you turned on,
are you turned on?'