Ghost man on third

Been too poorly to blog. In major pain from whatever this is. Not looking forward to going to Scotland tomorrow. Going to try going out tonight to see how I go...

' But whatever I have gettin' myself into
maybe has been slicing inches from my waist
It's my fist vs. the bottle
(and thank God you weren't there...)
And that's how bad could this hurt
or against I won't feel a thing
(and thank God you weren't there...)
I tell you all about it
It's just not working out
(...to watch me hit the bottle)
not workin' out'

The Cautioners

Too poorly to go out... was tempted but I feel like complete rectum. Going to go and lay down now, drink some vodka and watch some bad TV

' the time i would spend with pictures i would not send
i watched you go from left to right
i followed you all night across my blinds

making my peace
making it with distance
maybe that's a big mistake
you know i'm thinking of you
i miss you

you'll change your mind come monday and turn you back on me
take your steps away with hesitance
take your steps away from me'

Only ashes

Going to have to try and get an emergency appointment at the doctors today because this just doesn't feel good at all. Will go down after I have met this dude from the needle exchange.

I feel that bad that I will not be going out tonight. Will use the time to work on my business plan for Cookie and hopefully we can get this on the go...

' Part and part and inch by inch
You'll have your mile when its through
Incinerate whats left of this
And torch the part of me that's you

So I'll watch the matches, turn to ashes

I can tell as you turn, I smell the sulfur so clear
And fire's a beautiful sound
And the wings that you burn turn to ashes my dear
And ashes just fall to the ground'

How I miss you

Not a bad practice - we managed to get 'All the small things' down and part of 'My Sharona'. Still in vast amounts of pain though - I think this is something worse than a chest infection...

Got to meet some dude from teh Needle Exchange tomorrow so I can start my course.

' How i miss you
How i miss you
How i miss you
I should never call
How i hope that you still miss me

Did I lose you?
Did I lose you?
Did I lose you?
Somewhere down the line
Hide & seeks alright if i find'

Meet you there

I'm in pain... lots of pain. Firstly i'm aching from teh work out the other day - forgot how bad this pain could be, secondly from what I am assuming is a chest infection. When I cough it feels like my chest is being tore out... which sucks.

Club was ok last night. Practicing tonight hopefully - god only knows if I can manage it with my chest like this... will be a good reason to practice with the keyboard and laptop. Need to put some midi files on it first tho'.

' Now you're gone
I wonder why you left me here
I think about it on and on again
I know you're never
coming back
But I hope that
you can hear me
I'm waiting to hear from you
Until I do

You're gone away
I'm left alone
A part of me is gone
And I'm not moving on
So wait for me
I know the day will come'

Action and Action

Whoa, didn't think I drank as much as I did last night... still feel wobbly now. sold the last PC to Boynton, which is a bonus 'cos it means I can go to the Scottish Cup Tournament to watch providing I can blag a lift. got to go and see the Hartlepool Action Team and also go up the Hospital to see if I can get a sicknote for the time I was in there...

' You taught me how, to play the fool
Every mistake that I make,
I couldn't have made without you.
What's said is done, and plain to see,
you take it all too seriously.
Here's all you get from me.
What better way to make an honest mistake
than a televised hand of fate.
When the world's closing in on you,
a decision would be overdue.
Now nothing is left out of hand,
a stranger jaded man stands.
If the world is ending then we toast to it.
I'm stranger now but without the right formula for...
I'm down for whatever.
What's there left to wait for?'

Down

You want to know what I miss the most about being in a relationship? It's the companionship, the fact that there is someone there who will listen to me bitch and whine about whatever the subject of 'pissing Gav off' today is about... the laying in bed and watching her breathing in and out, the stupid little nicknames and habits that form, coming home to a flat where I am greeted by more than an empty silence, the lack of awkwardness when you are at a party with a slew of couples - It's the worst thing in the world to feel like you don't fit in because you don't have a 'significant' other... I can't believe that 'whatsername' used the excuses she did to walk away from me... from what we had... because sex had fuck all to do with how close we were!!

' I hear sound echo in the emptiness
All around but you can't change this loneliness
Look what you've found, I've fallen down

Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone
Tell me that you're alone, tell me on the telephone
Feel your heart it breaks within your chest now
Try to get some rest now,
Sleep's not coming easy for a while, child'

Screaming Infidelities

Another drunken night up the club last night watching some garbage boy band pretending to play - it's annoying that bands like that get paid good money to go up and mime... was a strange kind of night were nothing much happened. Me and our Anth went skating and then to the snooker centre, then back to the flat for a few drinks so I was drunk before I even got to the club.

Had a couple of dreams about Vicky last night - in one of them she told me she feels the same about me as I do of her... if only!

' I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
and this bottle of beast is taking me home
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home
I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend
except when you sign it,
"I will love you always, and forever."

As for now, I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
and sit alone and wonder how you're making out
but as for me I wish that I was anywhere
with anyone, making out

I'm missing your laugh. How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you are pretending
I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets.
And I am alone in my defeat.
I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of beast is taking me home'

Dammit

None of the lads went out last night... looks like the final nail has been knocked into the coffin of the wolfpac... Went up the club and then down the town, was drunk about 5 o clock so I can't really remember that much. Bumped into Vicky and told her that I still have (and always have had) feelings for her and that I know she is happy and I am glad for her... just another lie that i've told...

' And it's happened once again
I'll turn to a friend
Someone that understands
Sticks to the masterplan
But everybody's gone
and I've been here for too long
to face this on my own
Well I guess this is growing up
Well I guess this is growing up

And maybe I'll see you
at a movie, sneak preview
You'll show up, and walk by
on the arm of that guy
And I'll smile, and you'll wave
We'll pretend it's ok
The charade, it won't last
When he's gone I wont come back'