Duality

Strange old night. Maria was being a complete dick about this 'debt' to her and basically, I no longer give a fuck... she's took it way too far for me to even give a flying fuck about! Secondly, our Jo, kelly, Wendy and the girls were out and when I walked into the lighthouse, kelly gave me a look of disgust as she walked out... as if she was too good for me... and the truth is, she fucking isn't... i've had better, in fact, I brought better back to the flat tonight and she is married! Said it before, will say it again... yes, kelly is physically attractive, but she has the ugliest personality going, and thet does fuck all for me!

' push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing
That slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all
The things I have to take
Jesus it never ends
It pushed its' way inside
If the pain goes on

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my times elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate

I've wished for this
I've bitched for that
I've left beind this little fact
You cannot kill what you did not create

I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise

I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You laughed at me 'cos you left me no choice'

Deep and meaningless

Well, thats another Thursday night dead and gone. The only interest I got was one of the random's I have been with lately deciding that the best way to get my attention was to stick a cigarette on the back on my neck... yes, well done, that will make me want you all the more :-/

Have no idea what is going to be going on over the weekend, to be honest, I don't really care... I am getting close to giving up... whats the point anymore? Looks like I am destined to be alone...

' I, I don't know why I miss you so much
Yeah I, I don't know why I still feel your touch
You, you left me feeling high and dry
With nothing, nothing but the queston why

Yeah you, I guess you had another direction
And leaving me with nothing but a dead connection

If you call me today
I'll say that I'm fine
But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice
It's just a lie
You knew what you had
You still walked away leaving me in this mess
My love for you is deep and meaningless

You, you knew what you were doing to me
And I, I guess I was too blind to see
Well you hit where it hurt and you fooled me so bad
But I'd do it again to relive what we had
(Damn that's sad)

There are many things left to remind me
Of a love that I just can't leave behind me'

Goodbye my love

Practice sucked last night. Jo wasn't singing much as neither was I, well, not until the two girls went and then we managed to get a couple of songs down. 'Paranoid' and 'Inside'.

Had 2 bad days thinking about 'wjatsername' FUCK!!!!!!! I just wish I could find something or someone to stop me feeling like this. I hate living alone and being in this cell of a flat for the majority of the day and all of the night - I have even caught myself talking to the TV... and that can't be a good sign. I know I should have moved on by now, but I just can't...

' You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
Love is blind and that i knew and
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared you bed
I know you well i know your smell
I've been addicted to you'

Almost here

Got a few call outs to do today, hopefully I will get a decent amount of work in before the end of my test trade... then maybe I can go self employed.
' Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you? '

Time to break up

God the internet is sucking badly today. Couldn't get on here earlier, can't get onto songmeanings... ghaaaa!

Same old last night, up the club, lots of vodka. Band were quite decent. Bought myself a new fx unit for my vocals, will see how that goes.

Training tonight, will be a laugh 'cos I am aching like a bitch from the gym today. Not had my jab either, may attempt it myself :-/

'f you wanna call it a heartache,
Then i shouldn't regret those things, i miss her
If you want the pain to go away,
Better suck up your pride and admit you lost her
Let her go, move on, let her go, move on, let her go

Time to wake up
Where's your daughter?
Hurt's to break up,
She was stronger
All my friends say,
Please don't love her
What did i gain?
Now i miss her so'

The story of a lonely guy

Went to the snooker centre with our Anth yesterday. It's scary that I am actually starting to be quite decent at snooker, always preferred pool before!

Average night out last night, not much happened, it was just me and Chris for the most time.

' Push it out, fake a smile
avert disaster just in time
I need a drink, cause in a while
worthless answers from friends of mine
it's dumb to ask, cool to ignore
girls possess me but they're never mine
I made my entrance
avoided hazards
checked my engine I fell behind

Dada dada dada dada da
I fell behind
dada dada dada dada da

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
and when the storms gone I'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move cause I'm a fuckin' boy

Remember when I was in
the grocery store, now's my time
lost the words, lost the nerve,
lost the girl, left the line
I would wish upon a star
but that star, it doesn't shine
so read my book, with a boring ending
a short story of a lonely guy'