Streetcar

Crap night down the town last night. I noticed that wherever Kev and Marty go, they seem to start trouble - Kev being the worst for it.

Gonna get trolleyed... just cos I can.

Done it again, picked another schizo. Trina was texting me yesterday begging for another chance and then all of a sudden it's a case of 'I think I need to be by myself'... knock yourself out Trina, you've saved me a job!

'(Hello?)

When eyes are red
We can't talk for a while
Without our sweet dumb things to say
You don't want me anyway
You don't want me anyway
So why?
Why should I stay?

So goodbye to you and your life
Your new best friends
Your confidence
And I'll be here when you get home

Sitting half way
Away from noel
Praying for lips to touch
Holding myself,
For a second
Just to catch you smile
On this ride.

So goodbye to you and your lies
(Two months, so many weeks)
Your new best friends
Your confidence
(Turn my hours into days)
And I'll be here when you get home
(When you get home)

So goodbye to you and your lies
(Two months, so many weeks)
Your new best friends
Your confidence
(Turn my hours into days)
And I'll be here when you get home
(When you get home)

(I can't feel the same about you anymore)

It's just like you said
It would be
(Separation)

I can't feel the same
I can't feel this way
I can't feel the same about you anymore

(Separation) (Without you anymore)
(Separation) (Without you anymore)'

Goodbye to you

Having a bad day. Feeling 'stomachy' about 'whatsername', just keep thinking about her. It's been 5 months, surely I should be at least over her slightly?

The worst is, I keep thinking about Vicky as well - what the fuck is wrong with me. There is a perfectly nice girl who wants to spend time with me... thats the thing I suppose, Trina just isn't what I want...

'Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star'

The right side of the bed

Trina slept over again last night, it's a nioce feeling waking up next to somebody again... one problem is I think she is wanting a lot more from this than I am able to give at the moment. She is a nice girl and all but... i'm just wary I suppose.

Band practice tonight... with a bad throat again! Going to take up teh keyboard, acoustic guitar and recording studio... just to see if we get some inspiration.

'can see her now
Dancing around, her drink in hand
All her baggage in tow
I just want to forget and let go
All of the joy and
All of the pain
I took your guilt and placed it into me
And now I kiss it goodbye
Our last dance ended fatally

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard?
Baby you just died

There she goes again
Another masquerade in false circumstance
She'll fuck you just for the taste
I just wish that I could replace
All the memories of what makes my blood run cold
And as your blood runs through me
I say goodbye to what we had

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard?
Baby you just died

She came and went
I gnawed through my lip
Make-up smeared in her eyes
Each sob's a reason to say goodbye
Sometimes when you're holding on
You'll never see the light

With flowers in her hair
Gazed upon with dead lovers eyes
She never looked so good
And I never felt so right
I felt so wrong

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard?
Baby you just died

YOU JUST DIED!!!'

The Greatest Fall

Trina and her friend, Yyvonne came up the club last night and Trina stayed here overnight. First time in a good while I have actually slept in my bed... and it was nice to wake up to somebody in it.

Sort of feel happy about Saturday night with Vicky. I really wish things could be different but they can't at the moment - just got to pray that whoever her boyfriend is makes a mess of it all :-D

'The hand of my clock strikes two
In times when I got the best of you
We made promises we couldn't keep
And every night we couldn't sleep.
I didn't know why, but didn't ask questions
because it was the first time in my life, yeah the first time in my life
Where I, did something right.
I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time
You pick me apart
While I search for witty things to say (In my defense)
"You'll never amount to anything anyway"
(Don't press your luck, don't press your luck)
And think that I'm impressed with your one night stands
and your contagious kiss
I'm trying to get this right
Yeah, cause I'm ridiculous like that
I'll keep this as
A constant reminder
Of the nights I spent holding onto her
And rest assured I'm moving on
I miss you less, with each day your gone (your gone) '

Incomplete

Why do I always do this to myself. I can't stop thinking about Vicky, christ, there has been so much music on the tv today that has always reminded me of her. Been talking to our Jo about it and she reckons from what she has heard, Vicky still has feelings... I know she does, but as I heard her say to popeye, it's not that easy at the moment. It damn near killed me in Midnights when she held me and kept stroking my head.

Trina has sent me a text to see if I wanted to go out for a drink tonight, but i'm going up the club... and tahts not somewhere I really want to take her 'til we've been out a couple of times - if it ever comes to that!

'Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete'

You won't be mine

Strange night... very strange night. Started off ok in the club, watching a decent rock band and then we went down to the town. The first pub we called in, 'whatsername' walked out of... and she looked orange - thats the way to go Stacey, use the fake suntan 'til you look like a complete fuckwit! As usual, she had her slutty dress on. We walked round the corner and bumped into Vicky and her sister. After a bit of talking and apologies (from me), Vicky asked me to go round woth them, and we went to Coast, where 'whatsername' works. I got a few dodgy looks from the staff and I hope for all I am worth that it gets back to her that I was in there with Vicky - not that it will make a difference to the heartless bitch. Anyways, a full night out with Vicky and I really got the impression that she still regrets the way things turned out, maybe because she said it. There is still something there... there will always be something there... Also saw 'whatsername' outside of Nexus on the phone... probably phoning some random doorman she is shagging, that is her style after all!

Trina was out tonight and I texted her to see if she wanted to meet me... got no reply... until an hour after she had sent the texts - my phone sucks ass! I would have liked to see her tonight... especially after the events of earlier!

'Take your head around the world
See what you get
From your mind
Write your soul down word for word
See who's your friend
Who is kind
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be

Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - Oh no
No you won't be mine

Take your straight line for a curve
Make it stretch, the same old line
Try to find if it was worth what you spent
Why you're guilty for the way
You're feeling now
It's almost like being free
And I know soon you will be

Take yourself out to the curb
Sit and wait
A fool for life
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be'