Let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful

For the last few weeks I have kept my alcohol intake down to what could be considered normal. That changed today... I have drunk a litre of Smirnoff blue label vodka... and I don't want to stop - I have a full wine rack that I know I could nail before daybreak...

with that in mind, I am going to bed because if I open one bottle, the full rack will go bye bye...

Ha, just noticed the whole scruffy look of my kitchen - that is because I am in the middle (been here for a while) of decorating... and the 'medicinal' bottles you see, that is half of the medication I am on!!

And you smile while your twisting the knife in my stomach

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother... why do I even try to be nice to people when I never see any kindness in return? Why do I make a point of standing up for 'friends' when I know that when the shit hits the fan, I will have no one by my side... especially those 'friends' I previously stood up for!

Why do I keep a blog when I don't know if anyone reads it? I origionally started this as a method of getting the anger out... and I do occasionally read over my previous entries to see changes I have made... or, as is now the case, relapses I have made!

I no longer care, it is apparently a standard agreement that me and 'life' have that each close friend I make, fucks me over - I could overanalyse this and assume _I_ was to blame - except that I know that isn't the truth. Sometimes I can be blatantly, nay, brutally honest when it comes to peoples faults and flaws - it's down to the way I have been treat by, not friends but acquantences over the years, and it is the way I will always be. Ball's to 'em I say, I just think they are jealous of the fact that I can be so open and honest about what I think... fuck 'em all!

These days the sun don't shine here anymore

Found out tonight that ste and the rest of them were in 'our' normal haunt, Chicago Rock... nice of the invite.. hell, even some aknowledgement would have been a start! I am sick to my back teeth of being the one 'friend' who gets fucked over by the rest... think it's time to stop being the pretendy nice guy that I do to people and get back to what I do best - treat the fuckers like they treat me!

For the last two nights Stacie has been talking to me on MSN and every time the subject ended up the same - wanting to know how I felt, how I feel about her... last night she was texting me after she had gone offline asking the same. Tonight I told her that I do still have feelings for her. All she does is bitch about how badly her boyfriend treats her and how unhappy she is... and yet she is still with him - it's the Vicky situation all over and that I DO NOT want... What didn't help was she changed her display name to 'if you love me, let me know... if you dont, let me go...'

The highlight of my day / night has been to flash my PSP to play downloaded games without pissing about running loader programs - woofuckinghoo! I am so excited that I may just pee myself... /sarcasm

WOW! This girl is TEH HOTTNESS!! < style="font-weight: bold;">THIS is the highlight now!

To non english people, these are probably not gonna make sense, but to us Brits, especially us tessiders, they are damn funny!

Let me slip away, I'm barely holding on

Well, another fairweather friend bites the Dust. Saw Stee today in the shop and he never said a single word to me. Last week I sent them all texts to see if we were out on the Thursday and got no reply. Running motif for my blog - FUCK EM ALL!

Money is looking bad again.

Drinking...

This is not the time or place for us to speak like this...

Seriously got nothing going on in my life, personal or professional.

Not seen Stee since he flew back from Magalluf. Finding it hard to get motivated to do any decorating... or anything!

Had a slight relapse on the alcohol front and have been drinking a little more than I would like. I have tried to keep it down to a few drinks on a night when I am sat at my computer - it's just not working...

Had a hockey game against the Newcastle Predators on Saturday. We won, 9-7 - all down to Bull scoring 4 goals. I scored a nice wraparound. Lately it seems that hockey is the only thing I am enjoying...

"I don't think people are meant to be by themselves, that's why, if you actually find someone you care about... it's important to let go of the little things - even if you can't let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone... no matter how many people are around you"

Scrubs rules...