The simplest plans...

Ended up not at Coventry, but back home. None of the lads are going out, which sucks - tried to phone Scott to see if everybody was out round The Stoney then Stockton but got his answerphone... looks like it's a night of me being in, alone, with vodka...

Bought a Tascam digital recording studio today, got to justify it by writing more.. might use tonight to see what I can come up with for the new song, not even got a title yet...

' Everytime that I need you around
You're never there,
You're never there
Because in my life is where I need you now
But you're never there,
You're never there

You were supposed to see
All the signs I left to read in front of your face
You were supposed to be
The closest thing to being me but you're the furthest away'

Sent to Coventry

Done everything to kee busy yesterday, for some reason keep thinking of 'whatsername'. Had everybody round last night and we had a laugh - dropped the ball with a girl I have been with before by getting a taxi home early... she is back in the town again and single... hmmm....

Travelling down to Coventry today for a Party at Angel and Fedjas. I think it's for Mad Petes Birthday - don't care what it is for, just want to get out of the town because I honestly believe if I go out round here tonight, I will go into Coast to see her - and thats wouldn't be a good thing...

' The telephone number I got for you says nobody's home
The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone
And you had an apology in your mailbox since last July
It's funny when you find the words to say, you find no reply'

Motorcycle drive by

Had a decent night out last night. Couldn't get into Chicago Rock because the queue was immense. We went into Banana Jo's instead and they were selling a treble vodka and diet coke for £2.50, which was nice. Ended up in Shades and Rockies and for some reason, even though he wsn't working, fat Paul decided to start DJ'ing... strange child.

Paul mentioned going into Coast and the fact that he speaks to 'whatsername' when he does... ffs, my 'friends' have no sense of loyalty at all, they should all hate her as much as I do...

' And this is the last time
We'll be friends again
I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am
And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone alone
And I've, and I've never been so alive
So alive
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me
Home
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive'

Having a stalker is _not_ all sunshine and light...

Christ sake, S'carey, my twice one night stand has been trying to get in touch again all day. In the end, she texted me saying that she 'only wabted to see how I was' and that she isn't out tonight, I f'n well hope she isn't - why can't she take a hint!!

' Burning on just like a match you start to incinerate
The lives of everyone you knew
And whats the worst to take, from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like a blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight

Whats the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight'

This is the last time

Had a letter addressed to 'whatsername' today, from a debt collection agency - she better get her address changed, I don't want anybody coming here looking for her. Wrote on teh front 'not known at this address', hope it stabs her as much as it does me to write it, fucking doubt it tho', heartless bitch!

' This is the last time
That I will show my face
One last tender lie
And then I'm out of this place
So tread it into the carpet
Or hide it under the stairs
Say that some things never die
Well I tried and I tried

Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of'

It's not me

Been to the snooker centre with John and Anth again, was great fun... they are _both_ picking up the bsg's ideals on life, love and all that bollocks. Drunk again, no change there then... welcome to my life, please strap up and hold on to your fucking arse, it's going to be a rough, turbulent ride!

' And every little thing you say
And every little thing you do
Makes me doubt all of this
Look what you did is this who you wanted me to be well its not me nooo
Look what you did is this how you wanted this to be with this life you gave away well its meant for me'

Not gonna pretend I didn't think about her today... why lie to myself? Haven't I done that enough?

The long goodbye

I know that you will never get to read this and that is whay I am putting it down... I miss you Stacey, and I love you more than you could ever know - and this is what is slowly killing me inside, I know that you don't feel the same... how could you, after what you have done to me? The year and a half we spent together was nothing but a game to you - I wish that I had listened to the people who told me what would happen. I know that we should be together but you used the (pathetic) excuse of your past to walk away from me... and now I question if any of what you told me really happened???

I have been with 2 women since you... but I will never ever stop loving you, you are my angel... I just wish you realised the mistake you have made :-(

' This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking our hearts?
No matter how hard we try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on baby it's over lets face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye'

Hitchin' a ride

Went out for lunch today with Cookie... he paid the money he owed me and had a 'mate' talk about my drinking. I make no bones that I now consider myself to have a drink problem. An hour ago, I was bored (and talking to our Jo on MSN) so I decided to start drinking. I'm now a little bit drunk and I don't care... I feel happy, i've been invited to a party down in Coventry and hopefully, I will be there (as long as my TV sells tonight) - it's with a group of people and i've only recently realised, i've not met any of them despite knowing them for years!

' Troubled times
You know I cannot lie
I'm off the wagon and I'm hitchin' a ride'

This broken heart

Had a decent practice tonight... was good hard work, i'm enjoying the game again.

'whatsernames' was mentioned by Cheeser tonight, I still hate hearing her name, said by my friends, with familiarity - they should be like me and hate everything she stood for, everything she is and everything she did to me... I still believe she had this planned for a while, that she wanted to leave for a while - why else start arguments all the time?

' you woke up in pieces
from making these changes
and holding me ransom,
wont write you an anthem.
on the outside, I'm trying,
cause inside, I'm dying...

this broken heart was stronger then
now I cant stand to part with this
this broken heart...'

We might as well be strangers

Recieved a letter from the Council today and 'whatsernames' name was on it... and it depressed me more than I would have imagined. I hate everything about her and what she did, but when I think of her I just feel empty inside - but that is the way I am getting, empty...

' We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well, we might as well, we might as well

Be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know'

Eye of the tiger...

I had a nice quiet evening planned where I got drunk, got food and then came home to my empty flat... that happened... not! There was a table full of 'people' behind us and they were being a bunch of tossers. My friend, Mick, stood up and asked them to calm down (he's an official of the club) and a couple of them started mouthing.. all was well and good until 2 of them went to have a go at Mick, that was when I stood up and made my presence felt... I don't mind one on one... but two on one... no way! Anyways, things calmed down until a bit later and for no reason, they started on Theresa (the club stewardess) and she basically knocked the living piss out of the 'girl', which led to one of the blokes mouthing off and her sisters husband (Jess), gave him a hiding... again, the same dude who went to double team Mick, tried to jump in... again, I jumped up and this time he tried to mouth off. One of the doormen, Tony, got in between us and said that he wasn't worth it and to leave it... so I did, not like me eh??