Smashed into pieces

AGAIN! ffs, i've told Amanda 'til I am blue in the face how the situation stands and yet she still keeps hassling me. I have given her no reason to expect anything from me, yet she still does... I hate to do it but the only option is to not speak to her...

Looks like nobody is out tonight, oh joy... might have to just go up the club then down the town after...

need some action, had none for a week, need some random...

'never again
i'll slit my throat
with the knife i pulled out of my spine
maybe when you find out that i'm dead
you'll realize what you did to me

and if my lungs still let me breathe,
will you be there for me?
if i can make myself believe,
i'll give you back what you took away

no, i wont let it go
douse myself in gasoline
so don't
save me when you come into the fire
i'd rather die
than have to see your smile

and if my lungs still let me breathe,
will you be there for me?
if i can make myself believe,
i'll give you back what you took away

you made me swear
you made me swear

i, i can't sleep
realize all these things that you took from me

smash my heart (you made me swear)
into dust (you made me swear)
suffocate my mind (you made me swear)
tear at me from inside (you made me swear)

smash apart what you created
how can i ever stop you from
crushing my soul?
it was, it was yours to begin with

and if my lungs still let me breathe,
will you be there for me?
if i can make myself believe,
i'll give you back what you took away'

Gone

Spoke to Amanda for the first time tonight since Saturday... started out ok until she once again declared her 'feelings' for me, so I told her I had to go...

Hate being lonely but I would rather be like this than be with anybody just to avoid being like this... if that makes sense.

I just want to get over her, want to put the past behind me... why is that so hard?

Still not got my money situation sorted

'What you see is not what you get
With you there's just no measurement
no way to tell what's real from what isn't there
You're eyes they sparkle
That's all changed since the lies that dropped like acid rain
you washed away the best of me
you don't care

You know you did it
i'm gone
to find someone to live for in this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you could walk right through my door
That is just so
you coming back when I finally moved on
I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered
never opened
nothing matters
when you're broken
That was me whenever I was with you

Always ending, always over
like a ball up and down like a rollar coaster
I am breaking
that happened today

You know you did it
I'm gone
to find someone to live for in this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you could walk right through my door
That is just so you coming back when I finally moved on
I'm already gone

There is noting you can say
Sorry doesn't cut it babe
Take the hint and walk away cause i'm gone
Doesn't matter what you do
It's what you did that's hurting you
All I needed was the truth
Now I'm gone
What you see is not what you get
What you see is not what you get

You know you did it
I'm gone
to find someone to live for in this world
There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
just a bridge that I gotta burn
You were wrong
If you think you could walk right through my door
That is just so you coming back when I finally moved on
I'm already gone
I'm already gone
I'm already gone'

Sell My Soul

Not had much to write about.

Amanda is now officially gone. She came round Friday, Saturday she went into Schizo stalk mode. I told her that I could'nt give her what she wanted, she walked round to mine at 3:30 in the morning hammering on my door shouting that she knew I had her friend in here (I didn't)... what is it with me attracting weirdos?

Looks like I may not be going out anymore... no money to speak of.

'How do you feel
How do you hate
How do you wake up with the smile that’s on your face
Out on the moon
If I was an astronaut could I get back to you?
I’m out of my head
I’m out of excuses so I’m staring at the bed
And it’s you
It’s you...

I hold on, I hold on
(I can’t let go)
And you don’t know how I feel
Hold on, I hold on
(I’d sell my soul)
And you don’t know how I feel

Losing my heart
Losing my pride
I’d burn our initials in the sun if it would shine
I need a fresh start
I was in heaven until this one fell apart
Out on the run
Out on this empty space since all of this begun
I try
I try...

I hold on, I hold on
(I can’t let go)
And you don’t know how I feel
Hold on, I hold on
(I’d sell my soul)
And you don’t know how I feel

Hold on, hold on
(I can’t let go...)
And you don’t how I feel

And nothing seems to help
And nothing seems to work
And nothing isn’t beautiful
I’m old enough to take all the blame for all of us
There's all the games and all the faces
I’m bleeding by myself and I’m okay...

Hold on, I hold on
(I can’t let go)
And you don’t know how I feel
Hold on, I hold on
(I’d sell my soul)
And you don’t know how I feel

Hold on, I hold on
(I can’t let go)
And you don’t know how I feel
I hold on
(I can’t let go...)
And you don't know how I feel'