Monsters

Not a bad night out, Ste came up the manor, we had a laugh. He wants for me and him to do business together and fuck the other suppliers off!

Read a good blog post tonight... it went

'WALK TALL. that's todays advice to whom it may concern.

and by walk tall i mean, do everything you do with "UMPH". Put a little FUNK in your junk, and never half step your shit.

don't set your money down on the 7-11 counter, paying for your budweisser. SLAM IT DOWN, and look the arab straight in the face and say, "BOO YA MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"

don't just shake someone's hand when you meet them for the first time. squeeze the shit out of their hand like you are trying to break every fucking bone that you can.

don't stand on the edge of the dance floor, holding your legs still, swaying to the beat. Take your fucking shirt off, get on all fours, and start bucking like a donkey.

i mean it, and im 100% serious. you have GOT to stop pussy footing.

i don't really understand the logic in NOT putting your all into everything you do. why do anything timidly? why not WALK TALL, and hold your head up, and give gangbangers dirty looks, while you break baseball bats over your knees.

talk loud, WRITE HARD, work yourself to death, and party like it's 1999. don't smoke a bong hit.... destroy your fucking lungs.

when i shut a door after entering a room, i fucking slam that shit so hard, it nearly busts off the hinges, and it feels fucking great. go slam a door as hard as you can RIGHT NOW. i don't care if it's 4am and every signle neighbor is gonna wake up and be pissed.

they'll soon realize that a slammed door is the tip of the ice berg.

life is a mosh pit, and we're all just either throwing elbows or standing on the sidelines. who me? im king of the pit.'

It came from http://antidisestablishmentarian.blogspot.com/ - another blog added to my fave's....

Still lonely, still looking for something I will never find...

Amanda is bugging me again, but pretending not to...

'Scattered seeds and breaking storms
Wont make a decent lie for you
Naked and with every breath you climb the stairs
Step by step and I don't need this
I don't need to be saved
Five steps away from the cliff top
And birds sing their praises
To this weary world that haunts my weary soul

There are monsters here
And as you scream it makes no sense
It makes no sense
It makes no sense at all (X2)

In every despair I'll find you standing there
Waiting with the bitter taste of envy on your sleeve
Because tonight is our night
And I don't want this
No, so won't you let me go?

There are monsters here
And as you scream it makes no sense
It makes no sense
It makes no sense at all (X2)

And every animal will find itself a home
Every man and woman
Well, they'll just lose control
And we can make ourselves believe
That I don't want this that I don't need this
No...I have this to myself

There are monsters here
And as you scream it makes no sense
It makes no sense
It makes no sense at all
In every despair
I'll find you standing there
It makes no sense
Makes no sense at all'

On the mend

Am I? I truthfully don't know... still drinking too much but now I have this facade of pretending to people that I don't care about anything and nothing bothers me.... but it does, being lonely bothers me - can someone die from loneliness?

Spent the day at Redcar yesterday with my family, I initiated it all, asked them to have a day out and it was a good day, I wasn't as lonely for the smallest smidgeon of time. Went down the town on the night with Ste, John Kelly and Chill, was a decent night and I got a major compliment about the way I look from someone I used to work with. A couple of girls paid me a bit of attention in the night club but no action... none for 2 weeks now...

Saw Vicky out on Friday but didn't speak much to her, it felt like she didn't want to. Saw her bpyfriend in her car the other day... the car hasn't been there much though.

Amanda done the schizo thing again on Friday, enough for me to lose my rag and give her a verbal reaming... worst is, if she hadn't gone like this, I might have saw more of her...

'One more day that i've survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind i'm doing fine
I'm breathing on my own

I'm here, and I'm on the mend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend my friend

Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We're teathered once again

I'm here, and I'm on the mend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend my friend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you, who said hello?
Here we go

Close your eyes and stay a while
And take me when you go
Single file we walk the mile
Who's wandering back home?

I'm here, and I'm on the mend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend my friend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend
I'm here, and I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you, who said hello?
Here we go
Here we go
Here we go
Here we go'