I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

Dreamt of her again last night, might just stop sleeping - at least I won't be dreaming of her...

money is tight, need to sell some shit...

'I found the cure to growing older
And you're the only place that feels like home
Just so you know, you'll never know
And some secrets weren't meant to be told
I found the cure to growing older

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science

Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up

Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lip
I'm sending your fingernails and empty bottles you've sipped
Back to your family cause I know you will be missed

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've lost against what I left
Progress report: I am missing you to death

Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
always blue
Someone old
No one new
Always borrowed
Always you'

Dizzy

Pauline dragged me on to the dancefloor last night, and came to the lighthouse with me - just a shame our Anth fucked it up for my by starting again with the lads who were going to hit him. Was immenseley drunk, vaguely remember getting home, alone, again...

Hate feeling down, hate feeling...

'And outside, the sky is falling
People dodging raindrops, staying dry
And inside, I never gave a damn about those outside people anyway
And it hurt me
They don't even know who I am

And inside, there’s no rainbows
And inside, I try I try I try, try to clear my head
And outside, the rain is drying
And inside, I'm dying

'Cause in here, I’m staring at the rings my coffee cup has made on the table
And in here, I know I know I know, that this is as good as it gets
And in time I hope to be the one that talks about the other half
Until then, I count the cracks on the wall
Until it’s time to lay my head

And inside, I play with shadows
And inside, I know I know I know, that I'll feel this way all day, all day
And outside, there’s hope for trying, and inside I’m dying

You walk before me, lord knows I can’t follow
You walk behind me and I don’t think I can lead
You walk around me, please don’t walk around me
'Cause you know how dizzy I get'

Belgium

Had a decent night tonight. No band practice 'cos Adam couldn't make it, so me, Anth, john and big John went to the snooker centre, played snooker, got pissed and ripped the piss out of each other... and by that I mean me and Anth tortured the others :-)

Adam came round earlier and we laid the acoustic guitar down for 'The Best Deception', sounds good, if slightly wrong. We also laid another acoustic track down that I am going to work on... think I will make it about Vicky - been nearly a fortnight since I have seen her... I know we still have something there, there's just a 21 year old boyfriend in the way...

' Lately i feel so small
Or maybe its just that my bed has grown
I never noticed it before but you were there
So how was i to know

That this single bed
Was always meant for two
Not just anyone
It was meant for me and you

And now your halfway round the world
And im just a day behind
Nothin seems to fill the hole
That i have since you left my side
You'll always be my little girl
Though i cant hold you tonight
And now your halfway round the world
And i'm just a day behind

I wake up in the night
I turn around and find that you're not there
I just like to watch you sleep and lay by you
I love to feel you near
I think im going crazy
Everyday confusion starts to grow
I never noticed it before
But you were there so how was i to know'

The best deceptions

Horrible day today, 'she' was on my mind all of the time - don't know whether it's my waking mind or subconcious mind that hates me the most, maybe they are both the same and hate me alike?

Trina texted me earlier and said that I have an evil streak for saying that I pity her... truth is, I do... I see a lot of her in me, she is scared to let anyone get close, scared to start to care for anyone! She's texting me now to say she agree's... i'm always right - just a shame I can never heed my own advice!

'I heard about your trip. I heard about your souvenirs. I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights, and the cool guys that you spen them with. Well i guess i should have heard of them from you. I guess i should have heard of them from you.

Don't you see, don't you see that the charade is over? And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.

So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that i let you. You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away.

I heard about your regrets. I heard that you were feeling sorry. I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us. Well I guess i should have heard of that from you. I guess i should have heard of that from you.

Don't you see, don't you see that the charade is over? And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.

So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that I let you. You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away. To keeping you away.

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers. I'll be alright when my hands get warm. Ignoring the phone, I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you never heard my voice. You're calling too late, too late to be gracious, and you do not warrant long good byes. You're calling too late. Your calling too late. You're calling too late.'

Vermillion part 2

Dreamt about her last night, dreamt we were getting back together. I guess my unconscious mind hates me more than my conscious one does.

Even though I saw her just over a week ago, I can't picture her... I don't want to picture her, I hate her...

Inbiz finished today, need to get the money to put in the bank...

'She seemed dressed in all of me
Stretched across my shame
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable
She's a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad

But I won't let this build up inside of me

I catch in my throat
Choke
Torn into pieces
I won't - no
I don't wanna be this

But I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real'

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

Average night out tonight.

Had a text from Trina apologising for messing me about. What is it with me and schizo women - I would kill to find a normal woman who just wants to be with me for who I am - guess that ain't gonna happen!

'This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
but We never stood a chance
And I'm not sure if it matters
If you are the shores, I am the waves begging for big moons
I’m mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town
Your Secrets Out

I know this hurts, it was meant to
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over (you don't) matter

This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
But it must be said again that all us boys are just screaming
Into microphones for attention
Because we're just so bored
We never knew that you would pick it apart, oh
I'm falling apart to songs about hips and hearts
Your Secrets out

I used to obsess over living,
Now I only obsess over you
Tell me you'd like boys like me better
In the dark lying on top of you
This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters

From Day One I Talked About Getting Out
But Not Forgetting About
How All My Worst Fears Are Letting Out
He Said Why Put A New Address On The Same Old Lonliness
When Breathing Just Passes The Time
Untill We All Just Get Old And Die
Now Talkings Just A Waste Of Breath
And Livings Just A Waste Of Death
And why put a new address on the same old lonliness
and this is you and me and me and you
untill we've got nothing left'