I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy...

Just watched a documentary on alcoholism - saw a lot of myself in it... other than I NEVER HAD AN ABUSIVE CHILDHOOD!!

Fuck, why do they always try to blame that... if it's not that it's a genetic predisposition. Neither my mother nor my father were 'addicted to the hooch'...

Fuck the excuses and reasons they come up with... for me, my alcoholism comes from circumstances... I lost my father 10 years ago and I didn't grieve 'cos I wanted to be strong for my mother, I lost my mother 2 years ago and I didn't grieve cos I wanted to be strong for Stacey, Stacey completely fucked me over for no other reason than she is a cock juggling thundercunt - a year and a half ago and my life went to shit... and I still grieve - for everything that happened. Ward 15, the 'mental' ward, continued self abuse (alcoholism, self harm, occasional substance abuse) and do you know what? Those fuckers who make the programs on UK documentary don't have the slightest clue about the subject they campaign about because THEY HAVEN'T BEEN THERE!!!!11 They rely on the word of what are now B List celebrities to tell them about the hell that they suffered when drinking due to the pressure of the millions they were making - FUCK THAT!! Try speaking to some people with real problems instead of arselicking round your 'celebrities'!!!

and i'm more than just a little curious...

Oh, had a dream about the Currells - both him and her were ignoring me, but Heather kept trying to talk to me. I miss my god-daughter so much - it tore a fucking hole in me when I 'disposed' of her pictures....

Thank you very much Maria, you evil spineless little bitch - thanks for taking away both my best friend and also my beautiful god-daughter...

Strapped down on my bed...

So tonight I took an online alcohol abuse test... the reasoning was that if you scored over 8, you should seek advice.... I SCORED 33!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.counseling.caltech.edu/drug/selftest/test1.html

for those wondering...

Finally got my discs from Stee (he overcharged me as well - bonus!) - he was asking questions about my knee but never got out of the car... claimed his 'gout' was playing up - I am not that stupid to know that if it was, would he FUCK be driving!!

Very quickly losing all interest in social interaction again

Sent Stacie, PREGNANT Stacie a big ol' fuck off message tonight

Need more alcohol... hey, i'm a 33 point alcoholic after all...