My feet are so fucking ugly they make my eyes bleed...

Just thought I would share that.

Bought myself a 2nd dvd recorder today for my bedroom, got it cheap, £30. Panasonic DMR E55. Couldn't really afford it but at the same time, couldn't really turn it down for the price. Just need to get some DVD RAM discs for time slipping...

been drinking for sooooooooooooooo long!

The only thing you can rely on is that you can't rely on anything...

Relapsed again, 2 days non sober at any point.

I hate this time of year... and it only gets worse

The world is going mad!

broke..

lonely...

thats all!

Who better?

WOW! since i've been messing about with music again (thats all it will ever be, I don't have the confidence in myself to take it further) i've discovered some of the lyrics I wrote when Stacey left me...

'I miss your smell
It was what made this house a home
Now it's just four walls and memories
That I want to escape from

The night time is the worst
I miss the pressure of your legs on mine
Trying to ease your pain, fine by me?
Just reminded me that you were there

Theres never any clothes on the floor
The toilet seat is always down
No shoes left in the living room
God it hurts not having you around

People tell me...

as time goes by
All your wounds will heal
and someone else will take her place
You'll find true love
and you'll be happy

But they will never come close to the way we were

You've were always the girl
With the hand grenade heart
Waiting to explode all your problems
and break everything around you into pieces
I offered you help, begged you to get help
But you always said that you could deal
If dealing is letting it ruin the future we had
Was that future ever truly real?

You left with no real reason
Blaming 'little arguments' and your dad
'You cant change what he did to me'
No I couldn't, but I was there to help
Sometimes I wonder if there was someone else
Because your reasons make no real sense
I KNOW you've had a troubled past
I KNOW you were sometimes tense

But who better to help to ease the pain
And hold you when you sleep
Who better to kiss away your fears
Who better? cos you didn't choose me

You said that when your head is straight
you're not promising anything
Isn't that just an easy out way of saying
not to call you anymore?

I had a visit to my hospital bedside last night
Vicky of all people
She can visit, yet you can't?
You can't even phone to see how I am?
Funny how things go round in circles
Funny how you show me your true feelings

As time goes by
My wounds will heal and someone else will take your place
i'll find true love one day
and I'll be happy
I'm even starting to forget your face...'

This was wrote when I was in Ward 15 last year, just after the cock-juggling thundercunt fucked me over... more to be posted tomorrow if the dumbshit Blogger Beta will let me in!

Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?

Blogger beta is a big giant piece of shit, this is the first time I have been able to log in and make a post for ages and whatnot!! Think I may have to figure a way to go back to 'old skool' blogger...

The lonelier I feel, the more I watch Garden State - goodfuckinggod I am a walking cliche!!

Still, great movie



Raymi just rules so much, if she doesn't clean up at the blog awards there is something wrong! AND! her mum is a hottie as well, easy to see where her 'coquetishness' comes from...

Is it still wrong for me to want Britney to realise it's _ME_ that she wants??