Angels with even filthier soul

It was a strange night last night and things are kind of blurry - can't remember who I talked to really. Looks like I will be having a night up the club then down the town tonight due to nobody going out... i'm guessing that the old crew is now basically dead - something I never thought would happen and couldn't have happened at a worse time for me...

' every day all i say(why why why)
turned to dust and fade away (why why why)
so this will last forever

fade away and replace
turn your back and walk away
and this will last forever ( why why why )

waiting for tomorrow
just wait for today
to close my eyes
waiting for tomorrow
just wait for today
to say goodbye
(to say goodbye!)
she never said she loved me(why)
she never said goodbye (why)'

Wake up call

Had a good night last night... well, had a drunken one, and that accounts for the same thing. We are doing the normal Friday thing tonight so should be a buzz.

The name of the band is now definately 'Life on Standby' and the first track we are recording is gonna be the one we started the other night - i'm thinking of the title 'Nothing to Lose'

Roll on tonight so I can get wasted... got to fix this stupid computer and drive it back around before I can start!

' Through arteries untold, your skin is pale, my body's cold
Way down, deep down in my lungs
I can hear our sweet decay

So spill my blood
Midnight skies turn scarlet red
Say "so long," say "goodnight," and just hold out your hand
To catch me if I fall into the night
Say "so long," say "goodnight," and just hold out your hand
To catch me if I fall

Everyone and everything feels like it slips away
Way down deep down in my lungs, I can hear you as you fade'

Cute without the 'e'

Well, it's that time of the week again... where I know 'whatsername' is going to be near. I hate this time of week because it's always when I think about her the most and that is what is causing me the most damage inside...

' (why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you?)
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know...

And all of this was all your fault
And all of this..

(I stay jealous)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life
(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)'

dissolve and decay

DAMN my PA rocks. I was pleasantly surprised at the loudness and the quality of the sound. That was two and a half grand well spent... just need to learn the techniques behind live and studio stuff now... and I don't mind... music has always been a big part of my life... now it is my life!! It pisses me off that people (ooh, always those closest... our Alan, my mum (god rest her soul), 'whatsername') never ever believe in what I want to do... We came up with 3/4 of a song tonight... and it's decent! Not that any other fucker will think so, but at the end of the day, I write music as a form of therapy... to kill my demons so fuck everybody else... if they can't relate to my music - they have never been hurt!!

'walk slowly towards the lights
she calling still falling, down
she crying (shes crying) and dying, lying
about last night
she cant find a way to tell me i cant find you
ill wait for i cross my heart

dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me (right now)
this fires dying down theres nothing left to take (right now)

dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me
(sit back and let her die slowly, dont cry, she didnt love you anyway)
dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me
(just try to make it out alive your blood bleeds,your blood is flowing)

(right now) dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me
(right now) this fires dying down theres nothing left to take'

Screenwriting an apology

Woohoo, we have got teh Manor to practice in tonight. Will just use tonight to check out the PA system, see how it sounds. Had a good night up there last night... well, there was vodka, any place with vodka is good for me...

' Exchange the sunshine for brown eyes and dark skies,
Replace this dull life with you.
I Know it's tomorrow,
She's waiting for something to feel alive.

You know me too well,
She's sorry and I can tell.
Scene missing, fade to black.
You're acting all this out again,

Just wake me when it's over,
When the curtains raise,
It's time to move on.
Exit now, credits rolling,
The girl who stole my heart.
The one that got away...'

Life on standby

Had a night in with the vodka last night. Our Anth came round and we watched a bit of TV and got (well, I did at least) drunk. Anth mentioned a band called Hawthorne Heights so I downloaded the CD, they kick some serious ass!!

Been out today and bought a Shure SM58 professional Microphone and also recieved my Behringer Compressor so I re-recorded the vocals for Whiskey Rose, it doesn't sound half bad either... Can't wait to gt these projects on the go properly, got all the gear now, just need some commitment from the others...

' The distance and my hearts the sand..
flowing through the hour glass
..time to let go of all we know
and break our hearts in stride

I'll need you now,
More like yesterday,
The last day I could see you smile.
For the last time,
Turn out the lights,
My Life on Standby.

So Standby and Watch,
This fall away and Fall Apart.

Just say that its over,
Its over and she's gone.
(NOW... SHE'S...GONE)

Don't Worry He Said,
and she's not coming home.
(SHE'S....NOT...COMING...HOME)

Its over and she's Gone.'

This Disaster

Woke up this morning and went to make an appointment at the doctors. As usual I couldn't get through but as I was trying, it hit me that I had dreamt about her again, just before I woke up... and the memory of the dream choked me right up - I can still remember it, but not her face in it... I suppose thats for the best. I just wish I could find something to help me get over this, somebody to help me...

' are you aware of how much you complicate me?
and are you aware your words suffocate me
and don’t deny you’re talking behind my back to your friends
and don’t deny one day you’ll need me need me

all my life I’ve been looking for the answers
to the questions u never asked
and we never planned on this disaster
when will I let it go

so incomplete your stare is cold unlike anything I’ve ever seen
so incomplete your body is tired and falling apart at the seams
I won’t deny I took the part in never wanting you back
I don’t deny one day you’ll need me need me'

Ghost

Pissed again, always pissed, and I don't care. I'm sick of people telling me that I am drinking too much, I am sick of people telling me that I should look after myself a bit more... I am sick of people...

'Maybe one day I'll have freed myself for good
But i can say at the moment, if I could
Find the nerve or the reserve I'd get my life back for myself
So from this day I am living just for me
Do things my way, any way I choose to be
I'll be trying to stop crying, feeling sorry for myself

Everything I say takes the pain away
Everything I do defeats the ghost of you'

Behind those eyes

Went to JK's party and I felt so uncomfortable it was unbelievable. Everybody was there in couples and I felt a proper fool so I phoned the lads and came back to Hartlepool. Had a pretty decent night, it ended up just being me and Ste again but we had a laugh. Had quite a bit of female attention again, partly from this girl I have seen in the Manor, she has long dark hair and dark eyes and is stunning... may have to actually try and talk to her next time :-)

Got a little sad again about 'whatsername' due to the party - damn I need to get these band projects started to work out some of my angst (and recover some of the £2,500 I have spent)

' As you turned to walk away
I saw another look in your eye
And even though it hurt like it did
I couldnt let the spirit by?

You say that your sorry
And you say that it hurts you the same
Is there something here to believe
Or is it just another part of the game?

Theres something I cant see
Something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And theres nothing i can say
Cause im never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hide'