Cry

Stacie and Hailie turned up on my doorstep tonight... apparently it wasn't Stacie that texted me on Monday and she has no idea who it was... They came, drank my vodka and then as usual, I bacame secondary. Hailie is asleep on the couch and Stacie is in my bed, she said she was sleeping there - no acknowledgement of me, hence the reason I am sat at my computer.

I will take them home tomorrow and then Stacie is gone, out of my life... I am sick of being took the piss out off and not knowing where the fuck I stand - I've been took the piss out of one too many times, balls to them all... i'm gonna do my best to pick up some random tomorrow, from now on, my 'love' life is just gonna consist of randoms.

Gonna have to declare myself bankrupt, I have no other choice.

Uncle Alan phoned tonight, he's gonna try and make it for Lindsays funeral...

Why can't I actually meet someone decent?

' I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

I have seen birth. I have seen death.
Lived to see a lover's final breath.
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend. I'll cry on your shoulder.
You're a friend.

You and I have been through many things.
I'll hold on to your heart.
I wouldn't cry for anything,
But don't go tearing your life apart.

I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.'

Today, Tonight

I miss 'whatsername'...

I messed up the nokia 6230 I swapped my SPV e200 for, now I need to get it cable unlocked...

I miss Stacie, she's not been in touch since last night...

Had a couple of random text messages from someone tonight, don't know who yet...

i'm drunk...

reinstalled windows, got loads left to do...

I do feel sad for our Lindsay, it's a waste of a life - a beautiful girl and yet I can't cry, i've tried... I always gave her as many chances as necessary, because I don't believe that anybody is totally lost, maybe except me...

Sold my Sat Nav system, keeps me going for a few days...

' waiting for a train to catch
waiting for the perfect match
waiting for someone to make a call
if only you had to make a change
every day and every night
as every hour goes

Today, tonight
tomorrow, the next night
too long too late
till then I'll wait

waiting for the plane to crash
waiting how long can you stand
and you hope it never ends
every day and every night
as every hour goes

Today, tonight
tomorrow,the next night
too long too late
till then I'll wait'

Return of the blings

Stacie sent me a text tonight with her new number... it went...

'Stacie here, how are you? Have you missed me? my new number is ****** will you phone me asap please babe xxx'

I was in the club so I didn't phone her but I sent her a text... and had no reply. She texted me from an online site that gives you free texts so I will assume she has no credit on her phone... so why didn't she get in touch earlier? I like her... I like her a hell of a lot... to the point where I know I am falling for her - why wouldn't I? she's everything I want at the moment...

my GPS needs to sell _really_ soon...

'Here now don’t be afraid
Here now don't let it fade
Sorry for the time you've wasted
Heard it but I never thought it was true

This is my reminder
Of that summer
That I spent alone with you

She’ll never know
Me I’m just a freak
She’ll never know

Here now, don’t be afraid
Here now don't let it fade
Wishing I could take it back
What ever that it was I did to you
So much for the years I’ve grown up
Part from all the memories of you

She’ll never know
Me I’m just a freak
She’ll never know

So where’s your pennant now
I’ve heard you're hurting
So who's in your bed now?
I’m wishing it was me

She’ll never know
Me I’m just a freak
She’ll never know
Me I’m just a freak'

Tears and Rain

She wasn't out again, not heard from her... giving up...

Boring time out last night, Les disappeared, no action...

I'm getting lonelier by the day.

Need to sell my GPS

having to consider bankruptcy

'How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.'