In the absence of the sun.

Average night Thursday and last night, Karen was in teh club asking questions about me to Kev. Looks like theres another one to avoid!

Overdrawn on my bank account now, in big trouble.

Might have to inventory all the spare bits I have and put them on ebay as a job lot, would do a car boot but that involves driving and as I have no money for petrol...

' For all the good you say it does,
It seems no better when you've had your say.
We may believe it's just because
The words get colder when you've gone away.

I thought I understood what I was to you.

I don't want to feel this way, no
I don't want to say I'm just a friend.
I don't want to wait around here
'Cause you don't want to feel no pain again.
And we just lie about it,
'Cause we become shadows of ourselves

Some may fear committed lives.
I sure am one of them without you.
Does it come to you as some surprise
I laid the ground beneath to doubt you.

Was it ever, girl,
Something you could hold?

I don't want to feel this way, no
I don't want to say I'm just a friend.
I don't want to wait around here
'Cause you don't want to feel no pain again.
And we just lie about it,
'Cause we become shadows of ourselves.

I don't want to look away.
I don't want to be the one denied .
It ain't no fault of mine
'Cause someone, somewhere told you lies,
But we don't talk about it,
We just become shadows of ourselves .
But we don't talk about it,
We just become shadows of ourselves.'

Good Man

The Currel's have contested the amount of repayment I can offer... looks like it is going to court. Good luck to them, as I have no choice but to petition for bankruptcy as soon as I can afford to do it.

Sarah is going to get our John's baby aborted tomorrow, I really think it will be the end of them. Me and our John went up the club last night and at one point, he was crying... I fell so sorry for him at the moment.

Got off with Karen, a girl i've seen about, nothing really happened other than a bit of necking on, but I think she wanted me to bring her back here... our John was sleeping so I couldn't.

I have no money to my name but I have some food in the cupboards and I have paid my gas, pity I haven't been able to do the same for my electricity...

I need to raise the money for bankruptcy as soon as possible.

' If you ever find a way to forgive me
And if you ever find a way to put this all to rest
Because I'm hanging on your dress now like a little boy

And all that you wanted
And all that you wanted
Was a good man
Alright

Right in the middle of another big fight
Pull back another one tonight
I'll never forget, but who protects the memories
When we bleed each other from the vein

And if you ever find a way to make this interesting
If I ever find a way to stop disintegrating
Into pieces that I was that you destroy

And all that you wanted
And all that you wanted
Was a good man
Alright

Right in the middle of another big fight
Go to bed, it's getting light out
Why do you, why do you, why do you always stop me on places when I'm coming down

How do you do it when I've overwhelmed by a violet sky?
We fly in a decaying orbit, 66,000 miles an hour goes by
When we kissed and only now do I feel your mouth
Like an ache you never knew
And it was right in front of you

Oh how do you do it? Roots in the soil untangle
Releasing your sweet summer warmth, but still I recoil like mace
And all the little moments I pushed you away that I can't erase
Every moment overflows with power, 66,000 miles an hour

And if you ever find a way to forgive me
And if you ever find a way to put this all to rest
Cos I'm hanging on your dress now like a little boy

And all that you wanted
And all that you wanted
Was a good man
Alright

And all that you wanted
And all that you wanted
Was a good man

Was a good man, good man
Was a good man, good man
Was a good man, (was a good man) good man
Was a good man, (was a good man) good man'

The End

Leanne went schizo with the whole 'I like you lots and lots thing'... she's gone....

Shelley hasn't spoke to me since last tuesday except for a polite hello... fuck her....

Had a good night out on Friday with Scott and Lindsay, wish I could do it more often.

Bought an Xbox - got to have something... couldn't afford it, used the money for my gas!

Currell and his wife are trying to claim that I have a 'thriving business'... I fucking wish, if I did, I would not be so fucked up cash wise... £200 in arrears on my rent, £90 arrears on my electric, £66 arrears on my gas, £100 on my phone... yeah, things are going really well :-/ The evil bitch is also trying to say that she doesn't see how I an claim incapacity benefit as I am in a fit shape... yes, thats why I am limping like a bitch and taking diazepam just to get some sleep!

'Your hair reminds me of a time when we once were
Your fingernails that marked my back now rot in earth
The sheets we slept in blew away and now the storm is over
The taste of you inside my mouth remains but still I’m hearing

There’s no love, everybody’s crying
There’s no truth, everyone’s misguiding

And now the end is here!
There’s no more pills to swallow!
The bitter taste I feel won’t lead me to tomorrow!

Your scent reminds me of a place I used to go
The kisses placed upon my neck show signs of… no return!
The bed we fucked in smells the same but now the stench is fading
The taste of you inside my mouth remains but still I’m hearing

There’s no love, everybody’s crying
There’s no truth, everyone’s misguiding

And now the end is here!
There’s no more pills to swallow!
The bitter taste I feel won’t lead me to tomorrow!

Cries for anger! Lies for power!
Fighting for nothing is what you were born for
Cries for anger! Lies for power!
Fighting for nothing is what you were born for

Yeah!...

Cries for anger! Lies for power!
Fighting for nothing is what you were born for
Cries for anger! Lies for power!
Fighting for nothing is what you were born for'